Always tell your wife the truth.

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. He
walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a
nearby
bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman
and
starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads
to
another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun,
he
realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill
me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder,
which he precedes to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry.
Where
the hell have you been?"
Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but
they
were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw
this
great looking girl There and we had a few drinks and one thing led to
another and I ended up in Bed with her.
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with
powder and says..."You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"

Moral of the story:
Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway. At least
your conscience is clear.